it's evil.

I have blog posts written and never published about things like:

fire drills ruining the world.

or

pregnancy induced rage.

and of course

how school shopping lists killed my love for back to school supply shopping.

But the thing is, I could never really bring myself to publish them. They just seem so stupid. and angry. and really very stupidly angry.

Because what's on my mind isn't really what I write stuff about. Because I write stuff about nonsense. Pens and pencils and pie and sandwiches. Super deep. I know. The problem here is I'm not still 16 like I was when I started a blog about nothing so I wouldn't feel quite so alone after moving across the country in a pre-facetime (but post-letter writing) world. It's just that that's not really still the same stuff I think about. I mean. I do think about it. I think about it a lot. (Especially the sandwiches) I even like writing about it, but the nonsense just seems so...lame.

Because you live and learn and you find out that there's a lot more to think about.

Several years ago I read a historical fiction book (that I assume had a title, but have no memory of) that replayed the decade or so leading up to the Holocaust. It was the most FRUSTRATING thing I've ever read in my life. I was angry at the book, at my house, at my children, at my husband ... basically everything because HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I mean, I always knew about the Holocaust, but it's those little details that led up to it that just made me want to set someone's hair on fire (not a solution to your problems, kids.) It was all the blindness. The post WWI fear of war and total apathy that turned everyone's brains off and let straight up, flat out EVIL rampage. And I didn't understand it and I couldn't believe it.

The same time I was reading this things were getting bad in the Syrian civil war. So I started reading about that and realized...we're doing it again. We're so afraid of MORE war (and hey, trust me, that's not what I'm looking for...just the opposite) that our society has just clicked off our brains that these are real people living real lives where their government may just use chemical weapons to mass murder them. Back then there were kind of solutions, there were things we could have done, ways we could have been involved without fighting, without provoking more war (just like we could have before WWII).

And then things just kept getting worse. Then enter ISIS, or IS or ISIL or WHATEVER WE'RE CALLING IT THIS WEEK. I don't care. Let's not pretend I'm smart enough or know enough to really explain what was then or is now going on in the Middle East. Let's not pretend I even know proper terms or all the ins and out and nuances of this that and the other.

But I do know what evil looks like. And we're watching it on YouTube. The old evil secretly took people to prison camps and mass murdered them. That was evil. And it kept going, because evil doesn't reach a goal and stop. Evil just keeps getting worse.

Today evil openly posts videos beheading, drowning, and burning innocents. Evil throws gay men off buildings and rapes and enslaves women and children and says it's all in the name of God. Evil throws acid on the faces of women that dare think they may like to go to school. That's evil. And they aren't hiding it. And we know about it. But we don't talk about it. I don't talk about it. Because...you know, pens, pencils, pie and sandwiches.

It isn't going to stop though. Evil hasn't changed really. It doesn't stop. All this madness will eventually sit in front of our faces and we won't just be able to pretend it's not there anymore.

I don't really know my point. I don't know what I'm trying to change. I will still post my semi-annual nonsense I'm sure. I doubt the world really needs another half educated blogger to opine on these things. But I do think we have to see what's going on. We just can't be as willfully blind as past generations. We CAN'T just keep letting history repeat. (And if you don't think history repeats I encourage you to listen to this [but buy it through audible for the sake of your wallet]).

There are charities helping refugee families get out of Iraq and Syria or to send them clothes and supplies. There are things we can do to help. For me I feel like we have to donate something. I don't know what you need to do. I only know nothing can really change until people pay attention. If you need some suggestions on how you can donate, I'd be happy to tell you my opinions.

Denns Prager wrote a book called Why the Jews and he talks regularly about evil. He explains that we often think about evil as darkness, but the truth is evil is so bright it's hard to look into it. We can't bear to see it because it's just too hard to handle. It's just so much easier to look away.

I guess I want it down in writing that I am not willing to look away, even though I really really want to. Usually it makes me sick and always it makes me ragey and mostly it makes me feel completely helpless. But I have to know what's going on. I have to see the evil and make sure my children know that I am not okay with it.

Now I need to go make dinner and Adam just got home and wants me to go look at his "dual-nerding" monitor set up (men?)  because I'm so very very absurdly blessed and my life keeps marching on in a safe place with good people. In a world full of evil, I am so grateful for a life so good that I have time to think and write about trivial things.