not yet as Job, so that's a plus

LET ME JUST RECAP THE LAST MONTH OF MY LIFE


January
7 - Zoey's eyes begin to hurt

8-18 - Zoey mysteriously vomits most mornings

19 - Zoey goes blind

21 - Eye doctors, trauma, no brain tumor!, spinal tap, ambulance ride

22-27 - Hospital stay

27 - Zoey comes home from the hospital...begins coughing on the drive home

28 - SAM BEGINS VOMITING (it's cool though because my brand new rug is basically vomit camouflage), Zoey continues coughing and being congested

29-31 - THE VOMITING CONTINUES (now with added fever!)

February
1 - Sam stops puking, replacing it with the congestion Zoey brought home from the hospital

2 - Zoey begins puking with fever (favorite moment includes her [for unknown reasons] standing on the kitchen bar puking into a bowl over the sink while the puke splashed my face). Good times.

3 - Sam begins breathing rapidly. We do a FaceTime Dr visit and are sent to the ER (WE'RE REGULARS NOW, FOLKS!) They thought flu, but he was negative, maybe pneumonia, but chest x-ray showed some weird little benign sticky lung collapse, but it opened when he coughed so IT WAS JUST FINE OKAY SO GO HOME. Also, a shot of antibiotics in the leg for an ear infection.

4 - Sam is fine. Zoey has stopped fever/puking but has ear pain, a dr visit shows she does not have an ear infection in addition to the throwing up. I have cleaned the toilet so so many times. We get a call from the hospital in Little Rock and Zoey has tested positive for the last of the awful possibilities. We don't know what it means and will have to meet with a neurologist to figure stuff out. I spend the day, aside from toilet cleaning, staring at the wall, ignoring my kids, being depressed because WHY NOT.

5 - I declare it is time for EVERYONE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL and I disinfect ALL THE THINGS 15,000 times. Decide not to be depressed about Zoey anymore, because at least it's not as bad as it could have been. On the way to drop Mia off at school she yells I CAN'T DO IT PLEASE MY STOMACH HURTS I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO STRESS YOU OUT (very considerate). Comes home, vomits, develops a fever.

6 - Zoey returns to school. About 11:30 at night Sam comes downstairs crying that his eyes hurt. Adam and I look at each other with terror in our own eyes.

7 - Alllll the stomach virus. I HAVE CLEANED THE TOILET MORE THIS WEEK THAN THE PREVIOUS YEAR AND I WAS PRETTY GOOD ABOUT CLEANING THE TOILETS IN THE PREVIOUS YEAR. Special plus, I have laundered every blanket in America. Sam clearly develops pink eye (which, in this scenario is a relief)

8 - Mia is still sick. But hopefully on the mend? I left the house for 15 minutes to take Zoey to school. Which basically felt like a vacation at this point. Sam's eye is disgusting. But it's fun too because I get to hold him down and torture him with eye drops several times a day.


Anyway, this is all just to say that we're doing completely fine and who needs to ever leave the house anyway and we have lots of different illnesses if you want to come get one of your own!


There's been some good stuff too. Like I've done a really great job working on Mia's jeweled cat mosaic she got for Christmas. Like, wooo. I've got talent. And I've heard some new songs I like, and I do, after all, really like songs I like. And also I haven't been sick yet, which I HAVE NOT YET SPOKEN OUT LOUD BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CURSING MYSELF AND WILL BECOME SICK JUST IN TIME FOR THE WEEKEND.


Thank you for your time. (And don't worry, I'm not actually going as crazy as that sounded. Just like 15% of it. THIS TOO SHALL PASS and I laughed a lot while writing it. And I needed a laugh.)